The North Pole Times—December 26, 2015
Minutes after completing their contractual obligations for the 2015 Christmas season, thousands of angry Elves walked off the job at the North Pole’s primary toy construction center on North Rudolph Road.
According to Alabaster Snowball, the lead negotiator for the North Pole Elves’ Association (NPEA), the elves are PISSED. “We have had enough. We are simply sick and tired of living under Santa Inc.’s tyrannical leadership,” Snowball exclaimed.
The official NPEA news release cited long hours, lack of overtime, rising health insurance costs, and no pay increase since the 1870s as primary factors behind the strike.
For years, the NPEA has complained that working conditions at Santa Inc.’s manufacturing and distribution center have become intolerable. Lack of certified elves has also exacerbated the national elf shortage, causing remaining elves to take on larger toy production numbers with no additional pay.
Furthermore, the disgruntled Elves claim that new Common Core Toy Standards (CCTS)—accompanied by new high stakes inspections—have taken the joy and autonomy out of the toy-building profession.
Lead toy maker, Bushy Evergreen, remarked: “By the time I was a boy of 113, I had already carved millions of wooden trains, cars, animals, and wagons. I know how to do this job and am constantly refining my craft to meet children’s endless demand for new toys. Yet, today I am under increasing scrutiny by government officials who couldn’t make a wooden train set if their life depended on it.”
Evergreen lamented, “Being an elf used to be a respected and trusted career. Once you were certified, you were allowed to use your own creativity to create toys to meet each child’s play needs. With the new national standards, we just have to make the same toys for every kid.” Read more>>